Kelamaan jomblo kadang bikin kita memikirkan hal aneh. Untuk hidup yang lebih damai, sebaiknya hindari pikiran-pikiran ini.
1. Merasa Rendah Diri
Karena sudah lama menjomblo, kita jadi berpikir, mungkin ada yang salahdengan diri kita. Kita mulai membandingkan diri dengan teman-teman yang sudah punya pacar, bahkan gonta-ganti pacar. Kita jadi nggak pede dengan diri kita sendiri. Padahal, nggak ada yang salah kok, kalau kita lama menjomblo.
2. Merasa Nggak Pantas Dicintai
Kedengarannya mungkin berlebihan. Tapi, kelamaan menjomblo bisa menyebabkan perasaan ini, lho. Kita merasa nggak akan ada cowok yang bisa perhatian dan sayang sama kita. Slow down. Pasti ada cowok yang diam-diam mengagumi dari jauh.
3. Merasa Punya Standar Terlalu Tinggi
Beberapa teman pasti pernah bilang kalau kita punya standar terlalu tinggi karena terlalu lama sendiri. Mereka jadi berusaha mengenalkan kita dengan banyak cowok. Padahal, belum tentu cowok tersebut anak baik-baik. Nggak perlu khawatir, cowok yang serius suka pasti berusaha mencapai standar kita, kok.
4. Merasa Nggak Butuh Cowok
Kelamaan sendiri juga bisa membuat kita merasa hidup baik-baik saja tanpa cowok. Memang sih, cowok bukan prioritas utama dalam hidup kita. Tapi, coba deh, belajar membuka diri di pergaulan. Siapa tahu ada cowok yang pas menemani keseharian kita. Foto: Fotosearch
Sayang, sih… Tapi, kalau dalam hubungan kita dan pacar sudah ada 4 tanda di bawah ini, saatnya kita pikir ulang. Haruskah hubungan ini dilanjutkan? 1. Pacar Abusive
Kalau pacar sedikit-sedikit menggunakan kekerasan dalam hubungan, saatnya pikir ulang, deh. Kekerasan nggak cuma secara fisik, lho. Tapi kalau kita merasa di-bully dan dipermalukan lewat ucapan dia, tandanya si pacar sudah abusive. Daripada sakit hati dan lama-lama jadi nggak percaya diri, mendingan sudahi hubungan tersebut.
Kalau pacar sudah nggak setia dan malah main di belakang kita, saatnya pikir ulang soal hubungan ini. Setiap orang memang nggak sempurna, sih. Tapi, kalau sampai selingkuh, yakin mau dilanjutkan hubungannya? Walaupun si pacar sudah minta maaf dan mengakui kesalahan, pasti kita tetap nggak bisa percaya 100 persen lagi sama dia.
3. Bohong Melulu
Sifat pacar yang satu ini juga harus jadi warning buat kita. Sedikit-sedikit, dia suka berbohong. Bilangnya mau antar mama ke mall, ternyata malah main basket dengan teman-temannya. Simpel, sih. Tapi, sebuah hubungan harus dilandasi dengan kepercayaan dan kejujuran.
4. Semua Nggak Setuju
Ketika lagi pacaran, mungkin kita jadi buta akan kekurangan dan sifat negatif pacar. Tapi, orang sekeliling kita nggak, lho. Kalau sahabat dan orangtua nggak setuju dengan hubungan kita dan pacar, mungkin mereka punya penilaian tersendiri yang selama ini nggak kita perhatikan. Coba tanyakan ke mereka dan pertimbangkan kembali, ya.
It is spring, the flowers are blooming and you feel a giddy sense of exhilaration. Being in love has changed your life. You are now happy, optimistic and the world can do no wrong. You are raring to go and where better to go than to a place where both of you can stare lovingly into each other’s eyes all 24 hours of each day? A Home. All together now, aww. Excuse me while I indulge my gag reflex and remind you that those rose-coloured lenses will do you no good when you’re screaming at each other at 3am in the morning. Before you jump into the deep end of the pool, here are 5 things you need to discuss for that next step in your blossoming relationship.
How long does it take you to get ready to go out?
From time immemorial, men and women have fought over the toilet. Learn from your ancestors. Most women take too long. This is a scientific fact. If you are dating the rare female who doesn’t, good for you. If it takes you two hours just to set your toupee straight, you’d better be moving into a house with 2 toilets.
How much alone time do you need?
Everyone needs alone time. Sometimes it’s for you, sometimes it’s for everyone else. Tell each other about this alone time. Don’t wait till you’re grouchy, eating all the ice cream in the freezer and flinching when she steps into the house. If you have to hide in the toilet fixing your toupee for 2 hours to get alone time, that does not count.
What do you need when you’re sick / tired / stressed out?
There is a misconception that all women love to nurture sick people with chicken soup and tender loving care. Let me repeat – this is a misconception. Some women just want to be far, far away from all the germs you’re emitting. If you’re such a man in love with such a woman, it might be wiser to talk about a contingency plan. She could send you to a nice hotel or even your mother’s house. Whatever you need, baby.
How clean do you need your space to be?
Some people shower three times a day when they’re busy. These people usually have superpowers that allow them to detect dust you cannot see and sense dirty dishes the moment the last morsel of food leaves the plate. Others are more in tune with nature. They clean when the dishes in the sink begin to block their view of the moon outside the window. Somewhere in between these two groups is where most people lie. An open discussion about germs and bacteria has never hurt a relationship.
How will you divide household responsibilities?
What? There’s something other than cleaning?! I know right? Bet you’re really starting to have second thoughts about moving in together. Gee, your parents took care of everything, didn’t they? Wait a minute, maybe they could move in too and take care of the cleaning, the cooking, the dog, the bills, the DVR and mummy could bring you that chicken soup when you’re sick.
~ Li Ching (Who is Still Negotiating Toilet Schedules)
Show me one person who doesn’t want honesty in a relationship and I’ll show you a liar. But is it really possible or even beneficial to have complete and utter honesty in one? The fact is people lie for many reasons. Lies to cover up a mistake or to be manipulative are certainly harmful to relationships while lies meant to be helpful or to protect someone’s feelings tend to nurture stronger relationships. Ideally of course, we all want to have rational partners who are immune to hurt and fully capable of understanding the importance of building a truly open and honest relationship where everything can and is discussed. Right. Was that the dramedy that got cancelled before it was released?
White Lies Women Tell:
What She Really Thinks of Your Friends
You think she loves having your best friend hang out at your house every weekend, watching soccer, drinking beer and leaving peanut shells all over the sofa because she adores him. Well…she must adore him.
How She Really Wants to Spend the Weekend
You went shopping with her the last 27 weekends so she feels she really ought to be supportive of the occasional bout of drunken soccer refereeing from the sofa.
How Intense Her Previous Relationship Was
That old thing? No lah, it was bland. Really boring. Sure, she still has the occasional dream about him. But it was about him doing laundry.
How Often She Washes Her Clothes
You’ve always said she smells good. So why waste so much water? We all have a responsibility to save the environment. Go Earth!
What They Talk About on Girls’ Night Out
Oh the bitching. My, my, the bitching. About you, your friends, your family, your dog, your snoring, your clothes, your bike. But of course, really, they spent all night talking about poor Sarah whose mother was in hospital again.
White Lies Men Tell:
What He Really Thinks of Your Cooking
He loves your Chocolate Pecan Chicken Stew. The diarrhoea? Oh no, that’s from the laksa he had for lunch. Probably bad coconut milk.
What He Really Thinks of Your Outfit
You look really awesome in Any outfit. Any. Retailers should pay you just to walk into their shops and try on their clothes.
What He Really Thinks of Spending Time with Your Family
He LUURRVES your family. How could he not? They’re smart, funny, interesting and full of exciting ideas. Yawn. Where’s the TV remote? No, he’s not missing the PlayStation. Who cares about Grand Theft Auto when he could be surrounded by love and affection?
How Often He Changes His Underwear
Only the dog sniffs at his underwear. The dog’s not complaining. So why waste so much water? We all have a responsibility to save the environment. Go Earth!
PDKT atau pendekatan adalah momen di mana dua orang ingin saling mengenal lebih dekat, dengan harapan bisa saling memiliki pada akhirnya. Tapi gak sedikit orang yang gagal di tahap ini, sebab mereka masih aja ngelakuin kesalah-kesalahan yang bikin gebetannya ilfil. Untuk itu, kamu perlu tau apa aja hal yang perlu dihindari saat PDKT biar gebetan gak kabur. Ini dia:
Menunjukan barang-barang mewah atau keberhasilan-keberhasilan dalam hidup kamu adalah cara pendekatan yang basi. Orang yang cerdas gak akan menganggap itu suatu hal yang keren, melainkan suatu kesombongan. Gak ada satu pun manusia yang boleh sombong di dunia ini, kecuali orang yang bisa ngebut naik motor sambil dikunci stang.
Membadut artinya menjadi seperti badut. Maksudnya gini, kamu mencoba menghibur si gebetan dengan cara menertawakan dirimu sendiri. Trust me, itu hanya akan merendahkan dirimu sendiri. Harusnya itu kamu tertawa bersama dia, bukan jadi yang dia tertawakan. Gak salah menjadi lucu di hadapan gebetan tapi jangan menjadi bodoh.
3. Sok pintar
Sebagian orang ingin terlihat pintar di depan gebetannya. Saking terobsesinya untuk itu, akhirnya malah jadi sok pintar. Bahayanya jadi orang sok pintar itu ketika kamu dipancing dengan pertanyaan yang sebenernya orang itu udah tau. Ketika kamu jawab dengan sok pintar dan hasilnya salah, maka siap-siap aja dijauhin sama dia.
Ini sifat yang harus banget dihindari. Gebetan kamu bakal cepet mundur kalo di masa pendekatan aja kamu udah agrasif. Biarin aja semuanya mengalir dulu, jangan terburu-buru atau berlebihan. Pokoknya santai aja.
Nah, ini nih yang harus dibuang jauh-jauh. Gak akan ada orang yang betah sama orang pelit. Apa-apa maunya untung sendiri dan gak mau rugi. Malah ada orang yang bilang, orang pelit itu kuburannya sempit. Nah, loh! Makanya jadi orang yang biasa-biasa aja, gak perlu sok royal juga. Takutnya nanti malah dimanfaatin sama orang lain.
Love, like everything else, except couch potato surfing, works on a progression. You start with casual I-couldn’t-care-less dating, move on to the more confusing is-he-marriage-material dating, and finally slam into the full on commitment of till-death-or-taxes-do-us-apart. Of course this isn’t necessarily a linear progression, some people like to do a little cha-cha back and forth while others accelerate from zero to nuclear in the blink of an eye. No matter what speed you love at or what stage you’re in, it never hurts to keep these points in mind before charging to the next level.
Is the relationship Honest?
Let’s be realistic. I wouldn’t fault a guy for saying he played two hours of Grand Theft Auto when he actually played through the night. One look at his exhausted sleep-deprived face would be enough to satisfy my revenge fantasies. On the other hand, someone who went partying with his ex without telling me deserves military style torture. Similarly, if you find yourself withholding the truth, it may show that you have some reservations about this guy. Do you really want to upgrade him then?
Is there Effective Communication?
Simply put, effective communication involves both sides talking and listening (not at the same time, please.) Without a good balance, one party could feel stifled or unheard and lead to frustration and resentment over time. Since communication is vital to a flourishing relationship, one without it will more likely stagnate and wither over time.
Are both parties Ready for Commitment?
It takes a certain amount of maturity, and for some people, sowing a certain amount of wild oats, before one is ready for commitment. Keep in mind that you can’t compel someone to be ready. Either they are or they are not. If their timing doesn’t fit yours, it’s time to look for someone else.
Do you share Similar Values?
It’s not a problem if I love Taylor Swift and he thinks that’s the name of a bird. After all, I think Grand Theft Auto corrupts young minds and should be banned on moral grounds. However, if he talks down to waitresses, that would be a big no-no for me. Values are the guiding hand for every action we take in life. While a couple may not share exactly the same values, a difference in fundamental ones such as morals, finance, or relationships could have a dramatic effect in the long run.
Can you Trust each other?
If you leave Ben & Jerry’s in the fridge and go off for a holiday, can you trust that there’ll still be some left for you when you come back? Alright, alright, I know this isn’t a fair test. He could have replaced it with a new tub after finishing the original one. But seriously, can you trust this guy not to cheat on you? Can you trust him with your money? If his mother wants to pop by for a surprise visit, would he warn you first? If you hesitated at any of these questions (especially the last one), you have been warned…
Yes. I am full of crap. If a breakup can be easy, there won’t be 385,961 articles written about it at any one time. (Yep I counted. I count really well. My kindergarten teacher said so.) The fact is breaking up is real easy. Recovery, though, is a major pain. But nobody wants to hear that. So cover your ears and read this – My Ha-Ha-Ha-You’ll-Never-Make-It Guide to Breakup Recovery.
Indulge Yourself (Easy Warm-up First Step)
Truly, go to extremes. Eat ice cream till you puke. Watch 3 days of TV. Cry. Smash up all his things. Cry. Whine to your friends (Good ones will buy you lots of alcohol. Dump the rest. Might as well.) Cry some more. For one week.What? I hear you exclaim. C’mon, life goes on you know? Don’t work, how to pay rent / support parents / eat ice cream?
Accept the Breakup (**&#@* Second Step)
Writers / the World usually place Acceptance right at the end of the list because it’s the hardest to do. But not me. I like challenges. Just do it at the start I say. Right after the Ice Cream (priorities, man.) So, no second-guessing yourself or him. No regrets. Embrace the Breakup. YOU LOVE BREAKUPS. MORE BREAKUPS FOR EVERYBODY. Commit, I say, commit.
NO Contact (Sensible Third Step)
Anytime now, my Lovely Editor is going to tell me,No More Duh’s.I live in dread. How would I express myself?!
In case Duh wasn’t entirely self-explanatory. Let me explain. No messages. No emails (who emails their boyfriend? You might need therapy for this.) No phone calls. No Facebook. No Peek-A-Boo. No talking. No stalking. No stalking masquerading as talking. No Facebook. Again, NO Facebook.
Separate the Relationship/Breakup from You (Mental Fourth Step)
Why are all the mental steps the hardest? For example, the other day I tried to use my mind to switch on the TV. I think you know it didn’t work. Thank the Universe for the remote control. Otherwise I might have had to get off the sofa. But hard as it is, this is one thing you must know:
A Failed Relationship ≠ A Failed You.
Believing this is critical to maintaining a healthy self-esteem. Why is that important, you ask? Indeed, it’s not like a healthy self-esteem can buy ice cream. But all the self-help books advocate this so I think we should just trust them. It can’t be a bad thing anyway. So, Love Yourself.
Indulge in Other Pleasures (Finally. Fifth Step.)
If you want to be happy, you have to do happy things (Duh almost came out.) Go out and play with your friends. Exercise (I hear there’s a thing called Endorphins that’s produced when you exercise which makes you happy. But that could be just an urban legend.) Play with some animals (cats and dogs is what I mean.) Watch stand-up comedy. Dance. How do you know if you’re on the right track? If you’re laughing, you’re on the right track. Unless you’re just drunk (refer to Step 1.) Then you really have to get your act together and move on to Steps 2-5.
Bonus Sixth Step (Buy 5 Get 1 Freeeee!)
When you think you’re Ready, you’re a New Person, you Laugh and it sounds Right, download the Paktor app and start swiping right!