Does it sometimes feel like Selfies are God’s gift to women? How is it that so many women seem perfectly skilled at taking effortlessly flawless selfies while juggling luxury tote, branded shades and iPhone on a stick? Trust me, I have spent many distraught moments wondering the same thing, because when it comes to selfies, I am a man. So I asked my Beautiful Female Friend and she assured me that behind the public appearance were hours of practice and these tips, which I now present to you. The hours of practice are entirely up to your discretion. How MUCH do you want Perfect Men Selfies? (I confess. I gave up after 30 seconds. I consoled myself with ice cream.)
- Background Check
It takes 2 seconds to look around and make sure you’re not being photobombed by your attention-seeking cat or your brother walking out of the shower with only a towel to protect his jewels. If your room looks like you just had a wild party, you might want to move into your mother’s room (as long as she doesn’t have a floral bedsheet).
- That Mysterious Thing Called Light
Sunlight filtered through a window is the best as direct sunlight can be too harsh (whew no need to leave the house). Fluorescent light can make you look yellow while flash light often produces red eyes. Don’t forget, Look to the Light if you don’t want to look like a dark mass. *cue Twilight Zone theme*
- Say No to Naked Selfies
Naked selfies are acceptable ONLY if you’re Brad Pitt or Ryan Gosling. Everyone else needs to be clothed. Trust me. You THINK you look better than you actually look. Clothes WILL make you look better.
- The Mathematics of Angles
Again, unless you’re Brad Pitt or Ryan Gosling, full frontal is hard to work. Keep the camera slightly above you to make your face look slimmer and angle your face to one side. Practice till you find your best angle! (Motivate yourself with thoughts of ice cream.)
- You’ve got to Squint
The vacant stare look only works on zombies. If you want to attract human beings, squint just a teensy bit and smile. But not too much if you don’t want to end up looking like you need glasses!
~ Li Ching (Who is still awaiting Ice Cream Endorsements)