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He’s my friend who helps me navigate through the online maze that is known as Tao Bao to help me buy anything from wigs to sports bras. He sometimes bitches that I’m throwing Tao Bao off target when it comes to his customer profile. But, Tao Bao is messy and I have yet to get an account. So meanwhile, Smith has kindly offered to help me make all my purchases.
Anyway, Smith posted this well, I wouldn’t call it an article, just a link to someone’s not very coherrent thoughts on why she is single.
#1 I have many guy friends.
Now, allow me to clarify that I am not the sort who feels that my boyfriend would be threatened by my many guy friends ok. But you know, sometimes you get your friends to QC the guy you are seeing. You think it’s tough when girls shoot down the guy that you’re considering?
Wait until you see what guys have to say about your hypothetical potentials…
#2 I am a very awkward person.
Nobody believes me when I say this. But I am truly so very awkward. So sometimes people find it a pain to watch television shows on a laptop with me, because I’d make weird squealing noises and hide my face when I know something awkward is about to happen. Like so.
Trust me. You do not want to watch shows with a person who is constantly hiding her face behind the pillow during How I Met Your Mother, which in my opinion, is one of the most awkward shows in history thanks to Ted Mosby.
Omg I can’t. I also tend to fall asleep when I watch shows lying down. So I assume that most guys will find it irritating to constantly fill me in on what I just missed – either because I’m cowering behind the blanket, or because they’ve discovered that I’ve fallen asleep.
How annoying of me. And that’s also why I’m single I’m assuming.
#3 I have a blog.
Okay. I don’t mean to be very diva about it, but did you know that having a blog actually impedes guys from holding a normal conversation with you? Let me just show you some extracts of a 2 day conversation which quickly died because I refused to reply.
So this guy, he kept referencing my blog. He told me exactly what he had read, and what I had written in that post. And how he appreciated that I put this picture, with this caption, in this post. Like when I said I couldn’t check my POSB account balance because I was in the MRT?
Seriously, I don’t need to be constantly updated on what you’re reading and what you think of my blog. I mean it’s nice to know what you guys think of my writing. Really, I appreciate all the emails I get, and I really try to answer each one of them. BUT DUDE. Showing my blog to your parents? SERIOUSLY?!
I guess the main issue I have is this –
#4 I’m very bitchy.
Yes I know. I’m very bitchy. I like to identify the difficult parts of my life and pinpoint the various stupid people who have made it that way. During the process, I like to give my uncensored opinion on what these people can do to improve my quality of living. And I like to give my opinion in the form of snarky comments which I take great pride in constructing.
One of my best ones for this year was…okay. Remember the obnoxious guy who helped me break my new year resolution #10? The guy who has an ego bigger than Jupiter and a brain smaller than a quail egg? Well, I was complaining to my friend about him, and was described as “poetic” for my efforts.
Yes, I know I could be more constructive by letting these insufferable twerps know what they are doing wrong, and how they could work on improving the lives of those around them. But you know, tact is not a character trait which comes easily to me. Especially when I have absolutely no interest in behaving civilly when all I want to do is stab the person in the eyes with my hypothetical adamantium claws.