CNY Comebacks for the Top 5 Pesky Relatives’ Questions

It’s that time of the year again when pineapple tarts fall from the sky and relatives descend upon you in droves like a zombie apocalypse. Yep it’s Chinese New Year again when we abandon all caution and merrily get fat eating all the junk food we normally only drool over. And no one will even stop us. “Eat more! Eat more!” is what you will hear all through this long weekend as everyone desperately tries to offload some of those goodies they over-enthusiastically bought too much of. Buying CNY goodies is too easy. It only hits you when you lay it all out and your hubby walks in and asks, “Preparing for World War Z?” Oops.

CNY Comebacks
http://giphy.com/gifs/maudit-attack-zombies-qYjAI5Nss5CHC

But goodies are critically important in the grand scheme of things. When those once-a-year relatives knock down your door, how will you defend yourself against the inevitable onslaught of pesky three-thousand-year-old questions if you can’t stuff their mouths with eggrolls? If you haven’t armed yourself yet, do not fear. Eat Kueh Bangkit and read these CNY comebacks for the Top 5 Pesky Relatives’ Questions.

 

  1. Why don’t you have a Boyfriend yet?

Politically Correct Answer:

*Smile* I’m always looking for Mr Right but true love can’t be rushed right? (Then stuff a peanut cookie in her mouth.)

Doomed to be Social Outcast Answer:

I wanted to bring my girlfriend (or boyfriend if you’re a man) but my mum won’t let me. You would love her. She’s smart, funny and very very hot. Maybe we can visit you tomorrow? (Then watch her back away.)

CNY Comebacks
http://giphy.com/gifs/maury-tongue-10PkzrjMcXRFCw

 

  1. When are you getting married?

Politically Correct Answer:

*Smile* We’re focused on building stable careers now so we won’t have to worry about all the financial expenses coming later but don’t worry, it’ll happen soon!

Doomed to be Social Outcast Answer:

We’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You know how expensive HDB flats are these days, and don’t get me started on hotel banquets. Money’s been a little tight lately but if you could spare some…? It’s just a loan. You’ll get it back in no time, promise! (Then watch her back away.)

CNY Comebacks
http://giphy.com/gifs/reaction-7B71Ci4KE3m0

 

  1. When are you having a baby boy/girl?

Politically Correct Answer:

*Smile* We’re working on it! Any time now!

Doomed to be Social Outcast Answer:

*Look nervously at her children* I don’t know man, what if my kids turn out like yours?

CNY Comebacks
http://giphy.com/gifs/hetalia-life-challenge-ac6pkMCoRWUtq

 

  1. Have you put on weight? You seem a little chubbier!

Politically Correct Answer:

*Laugh it off* Yah lor! It’s the festive season! Never mind lah, I’ll work it off after Chinese New Year.

Doomed to be Social Outcast Answer:

Got meh? Not as bad as you lah. You gained what? 5kg? 6kg? At least I don’t look pregnant. But never mind lah, at least people will give up their seat for you on the MRT. Good leh! *Smile Sweetly*

CNY Comebacks
http://giphy.com/gifs/bad-zooey-deschanel-Mc5ddN78OlTmo

 

  1. So how much money do you make now?

Politically Correct Answer:

Enough lah, I’m just glad my job still gives me plenty of time to spend with my family and friends. You know, they’re really the most important things in life.

Doomed to be Social Outcast Answer:

This year is bad, so bad. We had to let go of our fourth domestic worker. The three left even have to share one car. They ballot for it. The other day, Maria had to *gasp* take a taxi to the supermarket. She was devastated.

CNY Comebacks
http://giphy.com/gifs/lol-wtf-haha-jB4UN2QLg8L9S

 

 

~ Li Ching (Who Will Smile and Eat Bak Kwa)      

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