It is spring, the flowers are blooming and you feel a giddy sense of exhilaration. Being in love has changed your life. You are now happy, optimistic and the world can do no wrong. You are raring to go and where better to go than to a place where both of you can stare lovingly into each other’s eyes all 24 hours of each day? A Home. All together now, aww. Excuse me while I indulge my gag reflex and remind you that those rose-coloured lenses will do you no good when you’re screaming at each other at 3am in the morning. Before you jump into the deep end of the pool, here are 5 things you need to discuss for that next step in your blossoming relationship.
- How long does it take you to get ready to go out?
From time immemorial, men and women have fought over the toilet. Learn from your ancestors. Most women take too long. This is a scientific fact. If you are dating the rare female who doesn’t, good for you. If it takes you two hours just to set your toupee straight, you’d better be moving into a house with 2 toilets.
- How much alone time do you need?
Everyone needs alone time. Sometimes it’s for you, sometimes it’s for everyone else. Tell each other about this alone time. Don’t wait till you’re grouchy, eating all the ice cream in the freezer and flinching when she steps into the house. If you have to hide in the toilet fixing your toupee for 2 hours to get alone time, that does not count.
- What do you need when you’re sick / tired / stressed out?
There is a misconception that all women love to nurture sick people with chicken soup and tender loving care. Let me repeat – this is a misconception. Some women just want to be far, far away from all the germs you’re emitting. If you’re such a man in love with such a woman, it might be wiser to talk about a contingency plan. She could send you to a nice hotel or even your mother’s house. Whatever you need, baby.
- How clean do you need your space to be?
Some people shower three times a day when they’re busy. These people usually have superpowers that allow them to detect dust you cannot see and sense dirty dishes the moment the last morsel of food leaves the plate. Others are more in tune with nature. They clean when the dishes in the sink begin to block their view of the moon outside the window. Somewhere in between these two groups is where most people lie. An open discussion about germs and bacteria has never hurt a relationship.
- How will you divide household responsibilities?
What? There’s something other than cleaning?! I know right? Bet you’re really starting to have second thoughts about moving in together. Gee, your parents took care of everything, didn’t they? Wait a minute, maybe they could move in too and take care of the cleaning, the cooking, the dog, the bills, the DVR and mummy could bring you that chicken soup when you’re sick.
~ Li Ching (Who is Still Negotiating Toilet Schedules)